On Saturday I had my first unaccompanied venture out, Ray dropped me off at Chesham Town Hall on his way out to golf. I had a wander around the Halloween Fayre and then the charity shops. I was very restrained, being limited by how much I can carry meant being thoughtful about my purchases. I was pleased with what I found, smart baggy lightweight trousers, a black lacy bolero and some necklaces to use in craft projects and a replacement butter dish, identical to our one which got broken recently.

I was walking across Sainsburys car park debating if it would be best to get the bus home or go to have a look in the Workaid shop when I heard my name called, it was my neighbour Angie, she kindly offered me a lift home which I gratefully accepted. It was just what I needed, a comfy ride home rather than being thrown about on the bus and also saved me from going in Workaid for which Ray will be very grateful! A locally based charity, WORKAID tackles poverty by providing disadvantaged people with the tools they need to learn a skilled trade and earn a living. Since 1986, they have helped around 100,000 disadvantaged people to break the cycle of poverty and build better lives for themselves and their families in Kenya, Uganda, Tanzania and Zambia.

But the real treasure trove for me is the shop, it stocks all sorts of handicrafts, wools, yarns, fabrics and haberdashery. I can spend hours rooting through all the pretties gathering things to use in my crafting and come home with a bag or two of bits & pieces to add to the ever expanding collection.

Only problem is, I then go on Pinterest looking for inspiration and spend so long looking that I don’t actually start anything! This ‘meme’ says it all with the additional bonus of featuring Sean Bean 🙂

Today Ray & I went to London Colney so I could exchange a bra at M&S, I have not driven yet, and judging by the discomfort I feel just being a passenger, I think it may be a while before travelling is pain free.

Today I contacted Breast Cancer Care, they offer a service to put women in touch with someone who has had a similar experience to talk to and for support, I have been thinking about it for a while and now feel I need to do this.

I have had some lovely complementary feedback to this blog on Facebook, several comments describe me as brave, but I don’t feel brave, I am just getting on with living as best I can and telling it like it is. Since being diagnosed with breast cancer, some days are good, some bad, my approach to life is pragmatic, Ray & I have always dealt with challenges  by giving consideration to our options and making joint decisions. This time there are no options, I had to have surgery, and I will have to have Radiotherapy, so we are taking the advice from the experts and supporting each other the best we can. We have more experience of cancer than we would wish, both my parents and Ray’s mum died from it, but I must keep in mind that my chances are good and that treatments are improving all the time.

Yesterday I felt pretty good, well in comparison to this time last week anyway. So I decided to have a go at doing some crafting. Before going in to hospital I had gathered things together for a Dreamcatcher so that when I felt well enough I would have everything ready to make it. This is one I made recently for my good friend Jan’s birthday.

I spent a couple of hours happily weaving before deciding I needed to stop. Yesterday evening and today I have suffered for it, my right shoulder has been very uncomfortable so I have resorted to Co-Codamol, I’m feeling frustrated about this as I really want to be well enough to get on with the normal stuff – more patience required!! Or maybe a simpler project!!

Today I went out for lunch with Jan, it was great to spend time with her, we haven’t seen each other since before my operation so had lots to catch up on.We popped in to the pet shop as Jan needed something for her dogs, the shop had advent calendars for dogs and cats, so for a laugh I bought a doggie calendar for Shadow, Ray has been shaking his head in disbelief and despair 😉 Ha ha!!

Tomorrow there is a Halloween Fayre/Table Top Sale at Chesham Town Hall, I had a table booked with the intention of selling crafts I have been making, but my breasts have thrown a spanner in the works, I haven’t been able to make enough stock, so I will be going as a customer instead, it will be my trip out for the day. It is open between 10.00 am – 3.30 pm and is in aid of The Hospice of St Frances, maybe I will see some of you there?

But for now I’m climbing the wooden hill to Bedfordshire. Good night all, sleep well

          

Looking back over my post about operation day, I realise it is all about the facts, so today I will try to tackle feelings, emotional and physical. Thursday was a day for acclimatisation, getting to know my physical limits, at this stage I can only sleep on my back, the wounds are too fresh to accommodate comfortable sleep in any other position. Fortunately I am feeling so weary that I have been able to sleep in what would not normally be my natural sleeping position. On waking on the morning after the operation, my back was troubling me as much as the wounds, on reflection this may be due to having to lay flat with my arms above my head for a good proportion of the day before. The hospital sent me home with Ibuprofen and Paracetamol, these were really inadequate for the job, hunting through our first aid cupboard I found some Co-Codamol which Josh had been given for back pain earlier this year, so I have snaffled these, they do the trick 🙂 I spent most of the day relaxing and drinking plenty as I was very dehydrated, so much so that I couldn’t eat without having a drink to wash down each mouthful. I napped a lot, aided by the remaining anaesthetic.

I feel so relieved that I have no evidence of the cancer spreading to my lymph nodes, although I didn’t acknowledge this fear beforehand, it wasn’t until I had the confirmation that I appreciated how worried I had actually been about it. 

I have been tackling this challenge by only confronting what is immediately before me so my focus has been on getting through the operation. I will now try to focus on getting well and hoping the result on the examination of the tumours will be good, meaning that I will not need another op to remove more tissue. I felt positive and happy to be home, my family are being stars and looking after me, I’m feeling like an honoured guest with my hosts seeing to my every need 😉

Friday was not such a good day, I woke feeling low and tearful. I managed to have a shower but looking at my wounds and surrounding bruising did nothing to improve my spirits. I know that these feelings are to be expected, I am grateful that the cancer was detected early and that my chances are excellent, but being confronted with having cancer is frightening whatever the prospects. My wonderful husband Ray saw how I was feeling and took the day off work to be with me, for this I am very grateful as I would otherwise have been on my own until Liza got home from work in the afternoon.

My spirits improved as the day went on, I received a lovely bunch of flowers from work which cheered me and by the evening I was feeling more ‘normal’ but was physically uncomfortable, the swelling in my breasts and under-arms had increased making my bra feel tight. I went on line to order a bigger bra – good ol’ M&S to the rescue! I placed the order at 7:45 pm and it arrived this morning by 9:30 am, truly excellent service! When I opened the package the bras looked simply enormous!! We all had a laugh about it but they are just right so all is good 🙂

Today I feel very much better in myself, I am in good spirits and feeling less discomfort, I was able to wash my hair this morning, and got dressed in more ‘normal’ clothes, I have been slobbing it in joggers & t-shirts for the last two days. I had another delivery of lovely flowers and also chocolates from my sister Nicola & her husband Rob and a big card from everyone at work, our mantle shelf is now full!

Megan is cooking a cheese & mushroom omelet for me so I’m signing off for now, I may just need a little snooze after lunch… 

So it is Operation Eve, I am wondering when the nerves will kick in, still feeling calm so far!

Over the last two days I have been running on adrenaline, got through a heap of tasks at work and at home, I have a tidy, clean bedroom to recover in when I get back from hospital tomorrow and have left a tidy desk at work.

This morning at work the lovely Annie came to bring me a card and Christmas Cactus Pot Plant in a pretty vibrant pink flower, thank you so much Annie, what a lovely thought 🙂 Your card is on our mantle-piece with others I have received from family and friends over the last few days. I am very touched by the love and support from you all, thank you so much.

Saying goodbye to my work colleagues this afternoon was touching, I had lots of hugs and good wishes. As I walked out of the main doors I had a bottom lip wobble, the reality of what is to come and uncertainty about the outcome is bubbling up to the surface.

So, time to go check I have packed everything on the list from the hospital ready to take with us in the morning, a quick last supper before the fast begins at midnight then off to bed, sweet dreams everyone, see you on the other side 🙂