Moving Forward and a Setback

This morning I had a regular appointment with my GP as my sickness certificate expired today. I felt really sore yesterday, then this morning I noticed that the skin around my nipples was blistering and also that the left side was weeping. After having a look the verdict was that the blistering is infected so my doctor prescribed antibiotic cream, an oil based cream to use instead of the E45, and antihistamine tablets to help ease the itchiness which usually starts up in the late afternoon. I also came away with another sickness certificate for the next four weeks to give the infection chance to clear up, and for my skin to recover before I return to work. I am very sore this evening, as I sit writing this my nipples feel like they are burning, it is very uncomfortable.

I am feeling sad this evening, partly because of having an infection, I have taken so much care of my skin since my operations that I am disappointed about getting it. But also because of a conversation earlier today in which my commitment to work was questioned. I have been thinking about it this afternoon and feel hurt that this person said what they did, yes, I was off work last year for several weeks with severe depression, I did not choose to be off work, I was not fit for work. As soon as the medication started to work properly and I began to be able to function, I went back to work. It took a lot of effort to get myself back in to my job, I had made so much progress over the few months, and I felt I was ‘back to normal’.

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I also did not choose to then have Bi-lateral Breast Cancer, it is not something anyone would choose is it? I would understand if I had been off with flu or toothache or something equally minor. But I have had Bi-lateral surgery, yes the Cancers have been removed, yes I have had Radiotherapy and have been prescribed Tamoxifen for the next five years to help reduce the chances of the Cancer recurring, but in medical terms I am not cured yet, I am in remission.

Cancer is not something you can just ‘bounce back’ from, it is now a part of who I am, and will continue to be part of my life for some time, in a few weeks’ I will be back to hospital for my check-up appointment with the Oncologist. Then in November I will be back to have the first of five annual Mammograms.

I hope that after five years I will be able to say that I am cured, however, I am well aware from the experience of other women that the Cancer may return, I’m not being pessimistic, I am facing a reality. My Cancer being Bi-lateral increases the chance of a recurrence, that’s just the way it is, I hope to be one of the lucky ones, but only time will tell.

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But life goes on, and tomorrow is a new day, I intend to make it a good one!

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