So how do I feel – some ups and downs

Looking back over my post about operation day, I realise it is all about the facts, so today I will try to tackle feelings, emotional and physical. Thursday was a day for acclimatisation, getting to know my physical limits, at this stage I can only sleep on my back, the wounds are too fresh to accommodate comfortable sleep in any other position. Fortunately I am feeling so weary that I have been able to sleep in what would not normally be my natural sleeping position. On waking on the morning after the operation, my back was troubling me as much as the wounds, on reflection this may be due to having to lay flat with my arms above my head for a good proportion of the day before. The hospital sent me home with Ibuprofen and Paracetamol, these were really inadequate for the job, hunting through our first aid cupboard I found some Co-Codamol which Josh had been given for back pain earlier this year, so I have snaffled these, they do the trick 🙂 I spent most of the day relaxing and drinking plenty as I was very dehydrated, so much so that I couldn’t eat without having a drink to wash down each mouthful. I napped a lot, aided by the remaining anaesthetic.

I feel so relieved that I have no evidence of the cancer spreading to my lymph nodes, although I didn’t acknowledge this fear beforehand, it wasn’t until I had the confirmation that I appreciated how worried I had actually been about it. 

I have been tackling this challenge by only confronting what is immediately before me so my focus has been on getting through the operation. I will now try to focus on getting well and hoping the result on the examination of the tumours will be good, meaning that I will not need another op to remove more tissue. I felt positive and happy to be home, my family are being stars and looking after me, I’m feeling like an honoured guest with my hosts seeing to my every need 😉

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Friday was not such a good day, I woke feeling low and tearful. I managed to have a shower but looking at my wounds and surrounding bruising did nothing to improve my spirits. I know that these feelings are to be expected, I am grateful that the cancer was detected early and that my chances are excellent, but being confronted with having cancer is frightening whatever the prospects. My wonderful husband Ray saw how I was feeling and took the day off work to be with me, for this I am very grateful as I would otherwise have been on my own until Liza got home from work in the afternoon.

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My spirits improved as the day went on, I received a lovely bunch of flowers from work which cheered me and by the evening I was feeling more ‘normal’ but was physically uncomfortable, the swelling in my breasts and under-arms had increased making my bra feel tight. I went on line to order a bigger bra – good ol’ M&S to the rescue! I placed the order at 7:45 pm and it arrived this morning by 9:30 am, truly excellent service! When I opened the package the bras looked simply enormous!! We all had a laugh about it but they are just right so all is good 🙂

Today I feel very much better in myself, I am in good spirits and feeling less discomfort, I was able to wash my hair this morning, and got dressed in more ‘normal’ clothes, I have been slobbing it in joggers & t-shirts for the last two days. I had another delivery of lovely flowers and also chocolates from my sister Nicola & her husband Rob and a big card from everyone at work, our mantle shelf is now full!

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Megan is cooking a cheese & mushroom omelet for me so I’m signing off for now, I may just need a little snooze after lunch… 2014-05-10 06.21.31

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