Early Days

I had three Core Biopsy samples taken from each breast on Wednesday 24th September 2014. The results would take one week, the wait for the results stretched before me and the discomfort from the Biopsies was a constant reminder. The first few days I was anxious and impatient to get the results but this anxiety reduced the nearer the day of the appointment came.

Although I was less anxious, my concentration sporadically deserted me, I found it hard to focus for long.  I would be busily working on something one minute and staring out of the window the next . 

On Wednesday 1st October I went to work as normal, I was more productive on that morning than I had been on the previous day, I guess that was the adrenaline keeping me going. I met Ray at home and we left for my appointment at Wycombe Hospital, the Breast Unit is newly refurbished, it is light, comfortable and calm. Ray & I were first to book in and as we waited to be seen the ladies who had also been for their ‘call back’ appointments the same time as me on the previous Wednesday began to arrive with their ‘supporters’ to get their results. 

Ray & I tried to sit & read but both gave up after a few minutes. Eventually we were collected by a Breast Care Nurse (BCN) and taken to see the Doctor. Sitting facing the scan pictures of my bobbies we were given the ‘verdict’. Unfortunately I have Grade 2 Ductal Carcinoma in both breasts, not just one, two! How does that happen? I Well I suppose I have never been a person to do things by halves 😉

Ray & I were then taken to a ‘quiet room’ with Zoe – the BCN, she left us for a short time to compose ourselves, Ray was very upset, I am doing my usual, no tears and more concerned with everyone else’s well-being. This I know has to stop, someone told me I have to focus on my own well-being until this challenge is obeaten, she is right, but over-writing a life times ‘programming’ does not come easily!

So, when Zoe came back she explained that I will be seeing the surgeon on Monday to find out more and should expect to have surgery within the next four weeks. Zoe advised not to ‘Google’ my diagnosis, I told her I would, as those of you who know me well are aware – it would take at the minimum handcuffs and a blindfold to keep me from getting as much information as I possibly can. So we agreed that I will only look at ‘reputable sites’.

I was not shocked about my diagnosis – I had already compared the Ultrasound pictures the Doctor had shown me on the screen the previous week with similar pictures on Google Images – I had found several that looked similar with the annotation of being Ductal Carcinoma and I had the feeling that it would not be good news, somehow I had just ‘felt’ it.

As I have said, I suspected that this would be the result and am not sure if the diagnosis hasn’t properly registered yet or if I am just coping with it… time will tell, at this stage telling others is probably the hardest part.

Josh & Liza were first home so were the first to be told, then I spoke to my sister Nicola, Ray’s sister Maureen phoned during the early evening and then Megan arrived home from work. My eldest sister Sharon was on Grand-children ‘sitting’ duties so was the final call of the day.

I am maintaining ‘a stiff upper lip’, this is getting frustrating, yes I know a good cry would be the healthy thing for me to do, but I can’t force tears, never have been able to.

So now it is Friday afternoon, I took the afternoon off work as I was nodding off at my desk this morning – came home and went to sleep – I’ve been doing a lot of that lately although not when I should be – like at night time, when normal souls are resting I am wide awake!  I posted this picture on Facebook this week ‘cos it amused me, my good friend Jan called me ‘Bat Girl’ today, it seems such an accurate description of my bodies seemingly preferred sleeping habit that I might just take up the nickname 🙂

Batman!

Hmm, I might just be needing body armour like that when I’ve had my op, a kevlar breast plate could be the way to go to protect my sore bobbies!

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2 thoughts on “Early Days

  1. Dee. I will follow your blog, with all the encouragement and support you require from those you have known and loved for a long time and those, like me who are new. You radiate a bright light and I believe it will get you through. Be peaceful.

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